Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
分寸感太好了。故事有一点刻薄和揶揄，但也有爱意。人物有一点平凡和俗气，但也有一点浪漫。
本来计划去看话剧，下午看到好多友邻在推这个电影，临时叛逃。
马伊琍吴越倪虹洁的组合太棒了。你只会关注她们的演技。不会去盯着她们的年龄长相胡思乱想。
#电影院# 并不像伍迪艾伦，还以为看了部侯麦
就感觉梗多一点，谈不上是好片。几乎全程上海话蛮嗲的，但黄明昊演的年轻人说普通话有点意思。
这电影真的不是拍给我的吗？
也就还好吧，虚无缥缈的感觉，营销吊足了人的胃口，看完感觉也就一般，上海的小资，整体更像是话剧的感觉，倪虹洁真灵啊，李小姐和老白后续还会败给现实，
非常智慧有趣的轻喜剧爱情片，轻盈洒脱，机锋暗藏；描摹人情世态，臧否两性话题。如江南精致小菜，甜酸适口，淡有余味。我的年度惊喜华语电影之选！
前一个小时的精心搭建，后一小时是有些浪费了。要捉虫的话，第三幕看得很气馁，角色失去意义，就回到了影片开场的那种话剧一样。音乐选得不尽人意，但是不管好坏，说到底，上海还是在为简中文艺兜底。
我以后也想做个 有钱有闲老公失踪 嗲兮兮的格洛瑞亚
好难得有这样的不紧不慢絮絮叨叨。居然有这么多演员是上海籍？！全程跟读……
中年爱情，美妆达人，各种上海专属烟火气，每一个都踩到我的点。感觉电影院里上海宁含量超标，因为播到用上海话骂人时整个电影院大概除了我都笑了……（真是第一次听……）但还是想吐槽——别说上海，一线城市哪有天没黑就能下班的广告公司……
2022001 摩登且市井，文艺又生活，一部仅属于上海的城市电影。
啊张芝华！每次去上海好像都是住类似的地方……想起最后一次去上海也还是和某老师一起去的。。。电影很不错了，看得很开心，觉得每个女生的白眼都翻得超好的！
意外之喜，你知道这年头在中国内地大银幕上还能看到意外之喜有多难嘛？ 比你遇到爱情都难
中年人的爱情，小心翼翼，欲言又止，患得患失，没有年轻人的孤勇、洒脱、奋不顾身，没有非黑即白，只有真实的烟火气息。两个不相信爱情神话的人，最终还是有了自己的爱情神话。
陪爹妈看的，希望爹认清自己（划掉）。也不是看得不舒服，但它的底色摆在这里：彻底背离真实的文本，完成的、完全的、完满的虚浮。没有真实的爱情（及其困境）、神话（及其真实）和死。一部彻底的喜剧，于是有足够的观看理由，因为我们想（？）生活在其中。但确实完成度挺高的，以至于我们觉得老乌的最后和他和索菲亚·劳伦故事一样是无所谓真假的——可是，如果是这样，那么白老师为什么要哭呢？
将《爱情神话》比作伍迪·艾伦的电影，比作程耳的《罗曼蒂克消亡史》，比作金宇澄《繁花》所营造出的上海，真无语。后面三者都是艺术作品，前者乃泡沫“红茶坊”，中产“老娘舅”，然而还没有滑稽戏情景喜剧的烟火，只得其造景和片段式喜剧呈现的情节剧模式，倒拉低了后两者。把它说成是“升级版郭敬明”还差不多，因为人物之不接地气，对上海理解之想当然，满足的不过是“下支角民众”看法租界霓裳艳影的刻板眼光，“西宫娘娘烙大饼，东宫娘娘卷大葱”，我们农业社会的农民也是这样想象皇宫的。它的光滑和虚假，修鞋匠也喝着咖啡讲爱情哲学和一线品牌这种，啧啧啧，令人昏昏欲睡。
个人一直以来不太喜欢徐峥，不喜欢他身上老练的精明的味道。但是不得不承认，他在这部片里的表演让我很满意。没想过有一天有机会在同一步片里看到吴越，马伊琍和倪虹洁，看到他们不再困于刻板的“妈妈”角色，在讲她们的情情爱爱，希望有越来越多适合她们的角色和片子～
真好。
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